“If I Fall, If I Die.” There are a
few moments along my journey that make me smile… call them inside jokes, or my
twisted sense of humour. Occasionally they come up and I will sometimes laugh,
or try to explain the reason for my smile… but usually, it’s met with a stare,
a nervous chuckle, or it’s simply ignored, obviously making the people around
me uncomfortable with my casual approach to the topic.
One of the stories that I most
often tell is the story of the day that my husband was faced...
Sunday, 28 January 2018
Tuesday, 16 January 2018
Suicide - A Part of My Vocabulary
“Borderline
individuals are the psychological equivalent of third-degree-burn patients.
They simply have, so to speak, no emotional skin. Even the slightest touch or
movement can create intense suffering.”
--- Marsha Linehan
This is perhaps the most well-known quote about people who
are diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder; and for me, the truth of it
hits me like a bag of bricks every single time that I read it.
When I was first diagnosed with Borderline Personality
Disorder...
Friday, 12 January 2018
The Days After, The Day After
Lost. A raft in the sea… drifting aimlessly while ships
surround me; each one busy along it’s course… trying to reach their
destinations.
It’s impossible to describe what these days feel like.
Last Saturday, I experienced a severe mental health
breakdown. I did not die and I did not end up in the hospital. But I did fall
backwards to a point I’ve never been before, experiencing insanity to a new
degree – confusion, chaos, and fear enveloping me.
Over the course of three days, I lived...
Tuesday, 9 January 2018
The Day After
My time over the last decade has felt like a non-stop effort
to put together a giant puzzle made with millions of pieces. Some pieces seeming like they should fit where
I want to put them, and yet never quite settling, the image it reveals skewed - off somehow.
Working through it I untangle the mess of pieces and try
again, the puzzle finally coming together – the image beautiful and clear.
As life grows and moves around me, the ground shifts and I
watch as the pieces jiggle loose. But...
Thursday, 4 January 2018
All Shades of Gray
I don’t know where to begin.
I’ve been thinking about returning to writing (and
specifically blogging) again for a while. But while I know my topic, and I know
the words that are written in my heart; it is difficult to begin again… to
write with clarity and focus, accuracy and effectiveness.
My first instinct
when I think about coming back to this page and writing, is to do one of two
things; either share my success – how far I’ve come and how well I am doing, or
to share my woes – to...
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