The Best Day of My Life

I'm currently fighting off a cold. Yesterday was an all around shitty day that had me wishing for the comfort of my bed, waiting anxiously for the time I could finally just fall asleep and put the day behind me. And yet somehow I woke up in an okay mood this morning, only getting better by the minute. By the time the kids were off to school and the hubby to work, I was hitting play on my phone letting my playlist run through and further brighten my morning up. And then suddenly the song "Best...

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Super-Mom and Depression

I've been diagnosed as having both Bipolar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder. My moods swing from manic highs to depressing lows with angry bursts between. I have good days and I have bad days and I have days where I feel like I'm barely present. But between all of that I'm so much more. I'm a woman with a job at a bookstore, a person with interests and hobbies, and (when the mood allows) dreams and goals. I have an amazing husband and four beautiful children. I have a life. And sometimes...

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Sometimes

Sometimes there is no choice. Sometimes it doesn’t matter whether you work harder at making things better… it doesn’t change the feelings. Sometimes it doesn’t matter that you put on a happy face and pretend to be happy because you hope that you will become happy. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how hard you try to pull yourself up and out of that low place, because the more you grasp at things to pull you up, the more things pile down on top of you. Sometimes depression is just depression. It’s...

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The Fight with Depression

I woke up this morning, groggy and exhausted. I tried to get up but it took several attempts and even when I was finally able to get going, my movements were sluggish. Last night I decided not to go walking this morning because I work at eleven and I'm not feeling the greatest mood wise. My kids and husband got off to work and school at their usual time and I had to fight the urge to crawl back under the covers of my bed until the last possible minute before work. I don't want to admit it, but...

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A sliver of happiness

Sometimes I need to remind myself it isn't all bad. Even in recovery, there are days that seem darker than the rest, shadowed with unspoken thoughts, negativity and anxiety. So I'm learning to remind myself. Winter is a difficult time for me right now but even if I weren't still recovering from a serious bout of depression, it isn't my favourite time of the year. The air is frigid, I feel more isolated, and the world just feels darker and less friendly. With the thick layer of snow and the temperatures...

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Seeing What Can't Be Seen

Wake up. Shower, dress and eat. Get the kids off to school Go walking/go to work. Come home.  Make lunch. Clean, read, or relax. Greet the kids. Make supper. Clean up, help with homework, play a game, or watch a show. Get kids bathed and in bed. Spend time with my husband. Take my medications. Go to bed.   It looks like an ordinary day. One that might resemble any number of people's days. It's a common pattern and it follows my routine, keeping up my daily maintenance. It looks...

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