My Illness Made Me Do It

Depression/anxiety/mania made me do it. I’ve always hated this expression… the thought that any state of being could make decisions on behalf of me, this excuse that I am somehow not responsible for my actions simply because I am unwell. Perhaps it’s because I feel that it opens a door – if I can blame the mental illness for my behaviours, then so can everyone else; it only feeds the stigma. Or perhaps it’s because I haven’t always been comfortable sharing about my mental health problems, or...

Read more »

Beauty-Hunter

"There's no point in living." "I have no reason to keep going." "I can't fight the darkness." I can only imagine the confusion and fear in my husband, friends, and family's minds as they heard me speak those words - words that were far more than simple sentences, that reached deep into my aching heart and had become the core of how I felt. They were my truth and my pain, they were an overwhelming need to let go and finally be free of the depression and the anxiety that held me captive. At the...

Read more »

Fractured - Damaged - Broken

I always knew that I was different. As a small child I was highly emotional and as I moved into my teenage years I often spent time locked inside my head, wondering what was wrong with me to make me feel and act the way that I did. For most of my young life I looked somewhat normal from the outside - but as much as I tried to fit in and hide them, the signs were already beginning to shine through. As I developed into a young adult - having made several poor choices already throughout my life,...

Read more »

In the Mirror

In the quiet of the morning I stare into my reflection in the mirror. Like every morning, I see a woman staring back at me – strong, confident and happy. I see the blue in her eyes and the way she smiles as she fixes her hair, chatting over her shoulder to her daughter who has come to ask for help choosing an outfit. I see the strength that she has exhibited in simply getting up and beginning a new day, in getting out of bed, and continuing with the routine and the system that she has placed around...

Read more »

Living Beyond the Diagnosis

I am a busy mom of 4 amazing kids. As the incessant beeping of my alarm begins at 6:00AM sharp, I roll over and slam my hand down on the clock, trying to find the off switch. I know better than to hit the snooze button. I know that if I do that I won't move from my bed until an hour or more later; I know that I have to keep with my routine. Groggily I roll out of bed and begin my day. Bathroom. Kitchen to make a cup of tea. Living room with my phone, the laptop, or a book for an hour. As 7:00AM...

Read more »