Big Trigger, Little Trigger

Financial hardship, marital problems, loss of a loved one, addiction, bullying, health issues, and big unexpected changes are all things that can knock a person with good mental health down and make them feel low, contributing to situational depression. But if you take those same stressful situations and place someone who is already struggling or prone to mental health issues in that position it can lead to immediate relapse and unpredictable behaviour, with disastrous outcomes.

It’s a frustrating and vicious cycle when a person becomes stable and is living life in a somewhat normal capacity, and then boom; something happens that pulls all control away from them, sending them spiraling back into chaos. It’s no wonder that this is the one theme that has come up in every book I’ve read, every therapist I’ve seen and every group I’ve attended – how to cope with major triggers and how to avoid repeating the pattern. Unfortunately there isn’t a simple answer to this, or a single one-size fits all action plan to use when things come up. It’s trial and it’s error, it’s finding what works to keep you grounded, in that moment.

The more I work on myself, the more I’m learning what does and doesn’t work. But it also takes constant practice. Small triggers are everywhere… a couple examples from my life include going new places, big social gatherings, arriving late, or even sleep disturbances. It’s through these small triggers though that I practice regularly dealing with the onslaught of emotions that can come up at any time, and spin me in any direction, preparing me for those times that the big things might come up.

Again, if only it were that simple.

Last week a big event happened within my life. It brought with it the usual feelings of instability, crazy mood swings and at times feeling like I wasn’t going to be able to cope appropriately. It was a struggle to say the least, but I managed.

I took a day of self-care. It involved a sick call to work for a single shift, and forced movement around the house during that day. It involved talking to support people and venting frustrations in a healthy way. It involved constant focusing to what was happening in my life – experiencing it and letting it go as best as I could. It involved a range of emotions and agreements to go to the hospital if at any time I felt I wouldn’t be able to continue coping on my own. It involved using my “wellness toolbox” – doing things for myself that bring about a positive emotion – to keep me grounded, switching it up when one thing couldn’t hold my attention for long. It involved me keeping to the routine, diet and exercise habits I have established this year, despite my body trying to do otherwise.

It wasn’t a perfect experience. It was incredibly hard and at times I have slipped up, my emotions have gotten the better of me. But overall I was able to deal with the trigger in a healthy way… something that enabled me to sort out what happened in my head, allowed me time to get to a better place.

I wish I could say I would never fall back into my old ways of dealing with things – but to be honest, it could happen. This time it didn’t. Triggers will always be a part of my life; Everybody has them, it’s just more difficult for those of us already dealing with mental health. It has taken time, patience, failures, and incredibly hard work to get to this place I’m at right now. The place of acceptance and the fact that I might always have more of a struggle with everyday ups and downs in life than the average person, but I’m also at the place where I work hard daily to identify and plan for those very situations. Where I can now see it coming and take steps to recognise it before it disables me completely. It’s constant, it’s so much work that some days I just want to stop and let my mood and my mind take over and do what they want. And then I look back to how far I’ve come and how much my quality of life has improved.

It isn’t easy. There might be setbacks and that’s okay. But it’s most definitely worth it. There is hope for a better life, a better future.