A Million Little Lists

I read a lot of posts online that go something like this:

• 5 Things to never say to someone with Bipolar Disorder
• 10 Things every Borderline person needs
• 15 Ways mental health is misunderstood
• 20 Things to do for someone in crisis
• 100 Things you need to know about _____

There are thousands of posts like that out there and many of them have been accurate for me upon reading them. But many of them haven't. The reasoning isn't complicated or difficult to understand; just like anything else in life it depends on individual circumstances, reactions, and thought processes. 

Thankfully, I'm an individual... unfortunately this also means that my behaviours have often times developed based on my history and personal life circumstances - these things combined with my genetic make-up and brain chemistry make everything that I experience, think, and react to unique to me. It is something that makes mental health different than any other kind of medicine - it makes what physically should be a simple diagnosis, complicated and unpredictable. It's something that could have any number of results, with hundreds of factors to always consider.

So I won't write you a list today - I won't tell you a million and one little things that you can do to help me when I'm in crisis or angry or manic. I won't tell you that this is what all people who are diagnosed with bipolar or borderline personality disorder want you to know, and I won't tell you what to say or not to say to your loved ones. 

What I will say is this: I am loud and vocal. I have gotten to the point where I can (usually) speak openly about my illness and what I want and/or need from friends, family, and professionals. I know my own cues and I know my own emotional states; I also know that I am my own best advocate. I want people to understand and I want the stigma surrounding mental illness to end. I can also say that there are times when I am well, times when I know that I make the most sense and can verbalise my experiences much easier than when I am sick - and I know that those times are vital to my health, because those times are times my loved ones are able to listen, are able to hear me out, are able to put together some of the pieces and know what I as an individual need (or don't need) from them. 

Lists, like anything, can be useful tools - I use them all of the time. They are especially useful when you or a loved one are suffering and it is impossible to express the things that are needed in the moment. Education - learning about an illness or a diagnosis can make the world of difference in understanding and in recovery. But as helpful as they can be, they are tools that need to be worked in, personalised and made to suit an individual. Know yourself, and get to know your loved ones... let's end the stigma - the things we put on ourselves and the things that others put on us. I am not defined by an illness that can't always be perfectly, statically, consistently, defined itself.  So I won't worry about the million little lists that I've read that tell me what I ought to know and what you ought to know and what a future being mentally ill entails. I will live with hope - I will live with a recovery centred approach - I will live with the individuality that I was born with, and I will keep talking and fighting through the struggles. I will be strong, I will stumble, I will laugh, I will cry, I will do what works for me, and I will simply be the uniquely created human that I am.