A New Diagnosis

A little over three years ago now I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. At the time I remember feeling immensely relieved. It wasn't that I was thrilled with finding out that I had a mental health disorder, and I definitely was not jumping around excited and shouting it to the world. But it did make sense to me. After years of irrational behavior, ups and downs and emotionally reacting to events in my life in ways that I didn't understand; I finally had a reason for it all. With that came an opportunity to seek treatment, to begin taking medications, to research and understand the reasons why.
But things are changing for me now. As symptoms continue to rear their head in my life it has come up on more than one occasion that I may now have a new diagnosis to work with, to learn about and accept. During my hospital stay in November, as well as with recent conversations with my doctor and my support team, I was more than a little surprised to find that I also show symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).
This time though I'll be honest - I'm having a bit of a more difficult time accepting this new development in my diagnosis/treatment. Maybe it's because it isn't accompanied by that same sense of relief that came with the bipolar diagnosis - that feeling that I was finally being validated and that something IS different about me. This time I already know that. Maybe it's that it is not as widely discussed as Bipolar disorder, depression, or even schizophrenia. Kind of the ugly emotional step-sister of the more commonly discussed disorders. Maybe it's because it is a new development when I was already set on a path. I knew the diagnosis, the treatment and what to expect. But now - now I'm starting from the beginning with the research, the treatments, the plans,
I know I'm not the first person to have a problem digesting the news of a new diagnosis... but at the same time it sure is a lonely feeling, especially now that I have two simultaneous diagnosis' to work with. Knowing that I not only have one thing wrong with me, but two.
I have to admit... I don't even know where to start at this time.
I don't know what to expect and it scares the crap out of me.
I know that I need to have hope. Hope for the future, hope for treatment, and hope for a life beyond my illness'.
Hopefully - I'll get there.