Between - The Things Don't Disappear

The things don’t disappear.

Today I had the house to myself. The kids returned to school yesterday, and Shaun was at work. Originally I had an appointment this morning; but even that was cancelled due to the early morning weather. It’s been a while since I’ve simply sat with nobody around and nothing pressing on my mind. No urgent matters to attend to… and though my house could probably using a good cleaning, it wasn’t on my list of priorities for the day.

It was strange though.

Throughout the day I’ve glanced out the window hoping for this grey and rainy day to magically disappear and for the ground to transform into a thick white layer of snow, while fluffy flakes continue to fall from the sky to create a winter wonderland. I like the winter (heck I almost LOVE the winter)… but I don’t like the in-between.

Right now, it’s gotten darker out and there’s a mist still coming down. The ground is pretty clear though wet, but I know that as the temperature once again drops over the next few days; the snow will return… leaving a beautiful layer of white that will cover this gloomy darkness.

At least that’s what I hope for.

But the more that I watch the weather today, the more that I realise how it perfectly describes the place I’m in with this new year.

I’m determined to find the beautiful… to live authentically… and to continue to grow and change along the continuing course that I’m already on. I’ve found a newness about me; but as I work towards learning and accepting and just being… I’m in the in-between.

It’s like it’s this grey and brooding cloud. It’s the nothing. The between. The calm that divides.

It’s not necessarily a bad place to be. And while I’m here I can think clearly and enjoy some peace. It’s not the joy of sunshine and warmth, nor is it the crisp cleanliness of a fresh layer of snow. It just is.

And while I’m here… while I’m in this place; the things don’t disappear.

The struggle, the journey, the adventure, the rest of life. It’s still there, it’s in me. It’s waiting for the sun to come out or the skies to fill with flakes of frozen ice. But it’s also a part of it all. It’s a bigger part of the journey than we sometimes give it credit for.

It’s in these moments, this between time that I can put my feet up without guilt. Where I can say wow, I needed this break. This quiet. This peace.

Tomorrow I will continue my journey, but today’s a day of reflection among the dullness. It’s a place of appreciating the bare trees and the muddy roads. It’s seeing the world from a darker perspective without a negative undertone. It’s appreciating the beauty beneath it all.

The things haven’t disappeared from my life. But today, today’s an in-between day. Not glamorous and not ugly. Just beautiful in the space between it all.